Posted by: LLS | August 5, 2012

Annoying Coffee Shop People

So I decided to go to one of my favorite coffee shops to write. Away from my dogs jumping on me, disconnecting my laptop and just to get out of the house for a little while. I was surprised it was so quiet when I arrived. I was able to walk right up to a table and plug-in my laptop. That usually doesn’t happen here very often. I must have come in the middle of a lull I guess because I was happily typing away when someone opened the doors and the ANNOYING COFFEE SHOP PEOPLE poured in. You know the type, they feel the need to talk loud enough so that everyone within a 5 mile radius can hear their conversation. Because it’s just That Awesome…Like Really. You know the type, they play Dungeons and Dragons and have to explain every part of it to the entire room. Then there are the girls that have to use the F word, burp out loud and laugh loud enough to make dogs in the neighborhood a mile away start to howl. Because it is just sooo coool, I knooow riiiight. Liiiike. Yeah. Right. Who raised these people? What the hell was I thinking? I want to yank the nose rings right out of their wanna be Hipster faces. I guess I’m old or something, because these people are getting on my nerves.

I have a firm belief in being aware of personal space. That includes public areas. I don’t care what the hell they do at their own table, but I don’t want to hear about, smell it, or feel it. So when my table gets bumped for the 10th time because you are trying to squeeze yet another body in at your table for 2 (now 7) it gets a little annoying. And BTW, maybe if you actually fit in those skinny jeans you wouldn’t have to sit with your knees so far spread apart that they knock into mine. And… I love animals, I absolutely do, but if you’re going to bring your puppy on a rope, could you please make sure he doesn’t keep barking! Like Really!

I’m a pretty tolerant person. I am very easy-going and pretty laid back. PDA? Fine go for it, wooohooo. Laughing out loud, great I might laugh too. Your doggy wants a pat on the head, I’m there. Need an extra chair? Here, take mine my feet weren’t really using it. But please don’t be an obnoxious ass in the process! I don’t care if your dragon trumps his knight, or if you put your player in the center of middle earth or how many cards you get when it’s your turn. I don’t know whose turn it is, and I don’t F-ing care either. I could give a rat’s ass that your boyfriend was so high that he hit his head on the coffee table when he tripped on a bong. I don’t want to hear how well endowed the guy you did last night was, the one you met on Craigslist and if you “don’t want to talk about it” then STOP talking about! Is it really anyone’s business that your “friend” got knocked up by a stranger that she can’t locate now? Does anyone really need to know these things? I DON’T THINK SO.

All I wanted was an iced coffee, a cool breeze and to write. Mission accomplished :)



  1. You might include yourself in your rant. It’s a coffee shop….not your office.

    • Wow, you’re sharp. You didn’t even get the point. Reread the last sentence dumb-ass. And just to clarify the piece I very much enjoyed writing was about overly loud, obnoxious, inconsiderate people. I apologize. I didn’t realize you were there…

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