Posted by: LLS | August 4, 2012

Mr. Wonderful

I reluctantly went on a date with a young man not long ago who asked me if his age bothered me. I had to think about that one. Part of me feels age is just a number and part of me knows how to count and no matter how enticing it is to have a very young, very pretty man show their interest, I still felt the need to say, “hold on here a minute, you know you are almost half my age right?” I wasn’t sure how to feel. I truly don’t go looking for younger men. I’m really not looking at all. Somehow they seem to find me and I am human so, there ya go. Which got me thinking. Am I looking for a relationship again? The short answer is No.

The whole thing made me ask myself, what am I really trying to accomplish here? I am not actively looking for anything in the relationship department. After some thought it occurred to me what I am looking for is a connection. I feel disconnected. It’s not that I am in a bad state of disconnectedness (new word), I actually feel pretty darn good. It’s more about knowing that I’m not the only one on this planet that feels the way I do. It’s knowing that there is someone out there in the world that’s on the same page as me, or at least the same book. I’ll even go as far as same genre. I haven’t been dating long or much at all since I finally ending the 7 years of madness relationship. Frankly, I’ve been too scared to. I feel if I were to have some kind of relationship it would have to not only be a good match, but a good connection. Defining connection to me means mind, body and spirit. Mind, we share the same interest, values and preferences. Body, we are physically attracted to each other and try to live a healthy lifestyle. Spirit, we agree fundamentally about our beliefs. Is this such a hard thing to find? So far it has been pretty elusive.

I’ve read the first step is to “put yourself out there”. So, off and on I’ve been on a few dating sites. Only after a matter of days I am so discussed with the 200 messages in my inbox and the lame lines that I cancel my account vowing never to return. I go to live music shows, but really I am there to hear the music and it irks me when others are talking over the performer. Kinda hard to meet someone when you’re telling them to shhhhh. I sit at coffee shops, where other “singles” go, but I usually end up in deep concentration over my laptop oblivious to all around me. I guess I’m not a good dater. I have been told I am too picky, that “not everyone has to be a Rock Star”, so says my daughter. No they don’t, I say in return, but why the hell not? If that is what I am looking for? I’m not looking for that, but you get my meaning. Why should I waste my time, or theirs for that matter, if I don’t feel any connection, much-less an attraction?

What I have come to see is I am very passionate about, well,  life. I know exactly what I would consider Mr. Right if I was looking and I am not willing to settle. Not anymore anyway. I think it comes across as picky or non-committal or crazy. I don’t much care anymore what anyone else thinks.  I am just as happy spending time with my children and my friends as I would be with Mr. Perfect. Finding Mr. Perfect feels like another full-time job that sucks.

I can only hope he finds me, cause I’m probably not paying attention. What does this look like in the real world? A highly unlikely event, but if I have a clear idea of what I am seeking and I send it out to the far reaches on the Universe, I feel it will happen. I have this list per-say. All the qualities that are must haves and it goes a little something like this…

I call him Mr. Wonderful. Mr. Right and Mr. Perfect seem to have been taken by Barbie dolls. This guy, my guy, is someone who makes me smile at the thought of him, and I want to think of him often.  He treats me with kindness and respect. Not the type of respect most people speak of; I don’t need the door opened for me or my meal always covered. No, it’s more than that. What I seek is a deep respect for my being. The kind of respect that goes beyond jesters and manners. What I speak of is a respect for my spirit, for my feelings and my emotions.  I envision a relationship that is of a feeling nature, an emotional connection that leaves me refreshed, never depleted. One that raises my vibration.  Mr. Wonderful understands that life is to be enjoyed and he does his best to do so.  We share the same interest and we don’t have to discuss things to distraction or be glued to each other. We both have our own lives and hobbies and because we are on the same wave length, it’s all good. He shares the same love for nature that I do. Whether it be a mountain stream we’ve hiked to or a sun drenched beach we’ve decided to visit on a whim. It may be a dog that needs extra attention after a long day left alone, or a lost kitten that needs a new home. He gets the simple beauty of a bush full of butterflies or a star soaring across the night sky or the coolness of a cloud shaped like a duck. He feels connected to this awesome Universe we’re vibrating as part of and he too can hear the sound the sunrise makes. Music is mandatory and laughter is a must. It’s really pretty simple. He doesn’t have to be perfect, just perfect to me.

I’ve manifested plenty of Mr. Wrongs. Maybe I am finally ready, after years of the recipe being not quite right, to taste the perfection of my own creation. So I guess I am sending out the call, like a siren perched on a rock waiting for a great ship to pass. Mr. Wonderful, where ever you are, I like queso and red wine, swimming and live music. If you resemble Robert Downey Jr. in looks and personality, all the better. Call me ;)

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