Some days my life seems to be spinning out of control. I am constantly in a hurry and feeling like there just aren’t enough hours in the day. At least not enough left for me to do the things I enjoy. I push myself to the limit of sanity to try to finish everything I have somehow decided is important. Somewhere along my life path losing complete sight of what was or is truly important. All the while feeling stressed and exhausted, followed by overwhelmed and a bit angry. When I finally reach my doorstep I start to breathe, sort of anyway. Once inside my shoulders slowly recede, falling from their position just under my ears and I feel like I just escaped from some crazed killer. I close my door and lock out what had been the latest in a long line of rushed, bullied and battered feeling days.
Once home, the on-slot of my second job kicks in, motherhood.” What’s for dinner? I don’t want to do my home work. Can you read 4 essays, they’re due tomorrow (short for can you edit and virtually write my essays)? The dog threw up on your bed, the cat is pregnant. The snake won’t eat its mouse. Can I have a lizard?” I stumble to my bedroom rip the soiled bedding off and crumble into a heap of tired. In my head I scream and some times, not in my head, “just give me a moment. I just need one moment of nothingness”. I have only one solution to remedy this madness. I go to a happy place in my mind and lately that place is a warm breeze, a lounge chair, a white sand beach, a cold drink in my hand, and my best friend by my side.
A few weeks ago I was fortunate enough to get to go on my first vacation with no kids/spouses. My first real vacation in over 20 years and it was amazing! Now I love my kids, I truly do, ex-husband… not so much, but I love my children. Fact is I am absolutely blessed to have them in my life but, I was about to go bald from pulling my hair out. Between work stress and home mess I felt I was inches away from going mad. When suddenly I was beautifully gifted by my daughter and dear friend with a trip to Key West. I felt like I was dreaming. I could hardly believe it was happening but it did and I had what came to be known as “The Best Vacation EVER!”.
Now, when my day turns to crap and my boss has danced a Mexican hat dance on my last nerve, my kids have decided to push me right over the edge and my ex-husband has pulled yet another dirt bag move, I quickly imagine my happy place…The Best Vacation EVER. I am quickly transported to the beach, laughter, Rum Runners, pretty boys and that I am on vacation feeling. I begin to smile, I begin to be me again, and I let out that breath I didn’t notice I had been holding. The 15th “mom can you…” becomes waves crashing on the sand, the dogs bark is a seagulls cry, and lingering throw up smell is tropical flowers on the breeze and the smile on my face is because my best friend is right here by my side. I am there, transported so easily in my mind that I don’t dare move less I break the spell. All is right in the world. At least in my mind it is and that is enough of a relief to make it through another day or possibly dinner and homework.
I better understand the saying it’s all good, because thank goodness, it is. I am very fortunate. I have a wonderful life with the greatest friends and family, (truly beautiful people, big and small and animal) to share it with. I have these memories to carry me through the rough patches and all in all I am blessed and quite thankful.
So when I hear, mom can you… I think to myself…Rum Runner anyone? ;)